You’ve had the argument in your head ten times. You know exactly what you’d say. Perceptual positions is an NLP technique for stepping out of that loop by looking at the situation from three viewpoints.
Where it comes from
The idea was formulated by John Grinder and Judith DeLozier in 1987. It extends earlier NLP ideas, and Gregory Bateson’s notions of “double” and “triple” description. It draws on therapy traditions such as Gestalt, where the empty chair technique has you speak to an imagined person and then sit in their chair to reply. Robert Dilts later developed a version called the meta-mirror, for difficult relationships.
The three positions
- First position: you. You see the situation through your own eyes. What do you see, hear, feel, and want?
- Second position: the other person. You imagine being them, with their history and concerns. What do they see, feel and want?
- Third position: the observer. You imagine a neutral onlooker watching you both. What do they notice about the pattern?
Many practitioners suggest physically standing in a different place for each position, to help you shift perspective.
A simple version
- Think of a mildly tricky interaction, such as a colleague who keeps interrupting.
- Position 1. Describe what happens and how you feel.
- Move, and position 2. Speak as them, in the first person. “I interrupt because…”
- Move again, position 3. As an observer, describe both people kindly. “What would help them?”
- Return to position 1 and notice what has changed. What might you try?
What the evidence says
- I found no controlled trials of perceptual positions as taught in NLP.
- Related ideas are better studied. Perspective-taking, imagining how others think and feel, is a long-standing topic in psychology and is associated with empathy and better conflict resolution. Two-chair work is used in emotion-focused therapy, which has trial evidence for some conditions. (General knowledge; not checked for this article.)
- A fair summary: the NLP version is a structured way of doing something that, in principle, is reasonable.
Why it can help
- It breaks rumination. Moving to the observer role creates distance from your own story.
- It builds empathy. It’s harder to stay furious when you’ve tried to see the other side.
- It generates options. Seeing the pattern from outside suggests different responses.
Limits
- It doesn’t tell you what the other person is actually thinking. You’re imagining, and you may be wrong. Talking to them may be better.
- It’s not for abusive situations. Understanding an abuser’s perspective isn’t the answer to harm. Seek support and safety first.
- It can be hard with raw feelings. Give yourself time before trying it.
The bottom line
Perceptual positions is a tidy way to practise perspective-taking. Treat it as a useful thinking exercise, and remember that imagining someone’s view is not the same as knowing it.
Next in the series: Reimprinting and Change Personal History: Can You Rewrite the Past?
This article is for general information and is not medical advice.