Rewritten a two-line email ten times? Let’s talk about perfectionism.
Where does it come from?
Many AuDHD people grew up being corrected, criticised or misunderstood. Perfection can feel like a shield against criticism. It can also stop you starting at all.
Perfectionism isn’t high standards. It’s often fear.
Perfectionism in AuDHD people is usually less about high standards and more about protection. If you grew up being corrected or criticised for things you could not help, doing everything flawlessly can feel like the only way to be safe. The autistic side may also have a strong sense of how a thing should be done. The trouble is that perfect is so hard to reach that you often cannot start, or you give up at the first mistake.
Two faces
Put next to each other, the difference is clear:
| Autistic side | ADHD side |
|---|---|
| Needs it exactly right | Won’t start unless it’s perfect |
| Details really matter | Abandons it at the first mistake |
| Rewrites it again and again | All-or-nothing thinking |
| Upset by small errors | Fear of looking careless |
It can stop you before you start.
What it can look like
Everyone is different, but these come up again and again:
- Rewriting a two-line email ten times
- Not starting because it won’t be perfect
- Dropping a hobby once you’re not the best
- Hearing small feedback as total failure
- Staying up late fixing tiny details
Loosen the grip
- Define “done”: Decide what finished looks like first.
- Set a time limit: When it ends, you stop.
- Try a rough first draft: Messy is allowed.
- Ask “who will notice?”: Usually, no one.
- Practise small imperfections: Send it with one typo.
Be kinder
- Spot the fear: What are you protecting?
- Talk to yourself like a friend: Would you say that to them?
- Celebrate progress: Not only finished things.
- Make room for mistakes: They’re how you learn.
- Get support: Therapy can help with perfectionism.
Where to start
Before you begin a task, decide what finished looks like, and set a time limit. Let yourself produce a rough first version. Practise small, deliberate imperfections, such as sending a message without rereading it five times. Most people will never notice the flaws that seem so obvious to you.
The bottom line
Done is better than perfect.
This post is for awareness, not diagnosis.
Want the swipeable version? This post is also a carousel on Instagram: follow @johnhasaudhd for more on life with AuDHD.