Didn’t cry at the funeral, then fell apart weeks later? Grief can look different for AuDHD people.
How can grief feel different?
AuDHD people grieve deeply, but it may not look the way others expect. Feelings can arrive late, come in waves, or show up in the body. Losing a routine can hurt as much as the loss itself.
There’s no wrong way to grieve. Your way is valid.
Grief does not always look the way people expect, and that is especially true for AuDHD people. Feelings may arrive late, sometimes weeks afterwards, or come in sudden waves. Some people throw themselves into practical tasks or need facts and details. The loss of a routine can hurt as much as the loss itself. Others may think you are not affected because you are not crying. You are grieving, in the way your brain does it.
Grief can look like
Side by side, it looks like this:
| Autistic side | ADHD side |
|---|---|
| Delayed emotions | Waves of big feelings |
| Holding on to routines | Distraction and busyness |
| Grieving lost routines too | Forgetting, then remembering |
| Needing facts and details | Restlessness |
Different, but just as deep.
What it can look like
You might recognise some of these:
- Not crying at the funeral, then crying weeks later
- Focusing on practical tasks
- Missing a routine as much as the person
- Being told you seem “fine”
- Grief showing up as exhaustion
Be gentle with yourself
- Keep some routine: It can feel grounding.
- Let feelings arrive late: There’s no timetable.
- Lean on your interests: For comfort and focus.
- Rest more: Grief is exhausting.
- Write or create: Words, art, lists, memories.
Get support
- Tell people what helps: Company, space or practical help.
- Ask for clear information: About arrangements and changes.
- Bereavement support: Cruse Bereavement Support can help (UK).
- Talk to your GP: If you’re struggling to cope.
- Find others who get it: Peer support matters.
Where to start
Be patient with yourself. Keep whatever routines you can, because they are steadying. Let the feelings come when they come. Rest more than usual, as grief is tiring. Tell the people around you what would help, and if you are struggling to cope, reach out to your GP or a bereavement service.
The bottom line
There’s no wrong way to grieve.
This post is for awareness, not medical advice. For bereavement support in the UK, Cruse Bereavement Support can help. If you’re struggling to cope, contact your GP or call Samaritans on 116 123.
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