Rehearsed your point, then missed the moment to say it? AuDHD in meetings.
Why are meetings so draining?
Meetings mix listening, talking, reading the room and sitting still. The ADHD side drifts in long discussions. The autistic side struggles with vague agendas and fast group talk.
Zoning out isn’t rudeness. Meetings are hard work.
Meetings combine several things AuDHD brains find tiring. You have to listen, think, read the room, work out when to speak and stay still, often for an hour or more. The ADHD side drifts when the discussion is slow and interrupts when it is excited. The autistic side struggles when there is no clear agenda or stated outcome. Video calls add the strain of being on camera. Several in a row can use up the whole day’s energy.
What gets hard
Here is how the two compare:
| Autistic side | ADHD side |
|---|---|
| No clear agenda | Long, slow discussions |
| Knowing when to speak | Interrupting when excited |
| Always-on cameras | Sitting still |
| Unclear next steps | Forgetting what was agreed |
Talking is the easy part.
What it can look like
A few everyday examples:
- Rehearsing what you’ll say, then missing your moment
- Losing the thread halfway through
- Doodling to stay focused
- Needing a break after back-to-back calls
- Leaving unsure what you’re meant to do
Before and during
- Ask for an agenda: Know what’s coming.
- Prepare notes: Points you want to make.
- Take notes: Or doodle to focus.
- Keep a fidget: Quiet and small.
- Camera off when you can: Less to manage.
After the meeting
- Ask for written actions: Who does what, by when.
- Send a recap: “Just to check I’ve got this right…”
- Block recovery time: No back-to-backs.
- Suggest shorter meetings: Or an email instead.
- Ask for adjustments: Recordings or transcripts.
Where to start
Ask for an agenda beforehand, so you can prepare. Take notes or doodle to stay focused, and keep the camera off when that is acceptable. Afterwards, ask for the actions in writing, or send a short summary yourself. Leave gaps between meetings wherever you can.
The bottom line
This meeting could’ve been an email.
This post is for awareness, not diagnosis.
Want the swipeable version? This post is also a carousel on Instagram: follow @johnhasaudhd for more on life with AuDHD.