Needed a shower for two days but couldn’t get in? You’re not alone.
Why is it so hard?
Basic self-care takes lots of steps, and every step uses energy. The ADHD side struggles to start and remember. The autistic side may find water, textures or smells overwhelming.
It’s not laziness or not caring. It’s a real barrier.
Showering, brushing teeth and washing clothes look simple from the outside. Each one is really a long chain of steps, and each step needs energy, memory and tolerance for sensations. The ADHD side struggles to start, forgets, or gets distracted halfway through. The autistic side may find the feel of water, the taste of toothpaste or the texture of a towel unpleasant. On a low-energy day, the whole thing can be too much. Shame makes it worse, not better.
Two barriers
Here is how the two compare:
| Autistic side | ADHD side |
|---|---|
| Water feels unpleasant | Forgets until it’s urgent |
| Toothpaste taste or texture | Too many steps to start |
| Scratchy towels and clothes | Bored halfway through |
| Changes to favourite products | Time blindness in the shower |
It’s hard for real reasons.
What it can look like
A few everyday examples:
- Knowing you need a shower, and not getting in
- Getting in, then not wanting to get out
- Only managing unflavoured toothpaste
- Wearing the same comfy clothes for days
- Feeling ashamed about something genuinely hard
Make it easier
- Lower the bar: A quick wash counts on hard days.
- Sensory swaps: Unflavoured toothpaste, soft towels.
- Keep things in reach: Supplies where you use them.
- A music timer: Shower for three songs.
- Pair it: A podcast plus a shower.
Be kind to yourself
- Drop the shame: Needing help isn’t failure.
- Plan for hard days: Dry shampoo, wipes, easy clothes.
- Routines, not rules: Same order, flexible timing.
- Ask for support: From family, friends or carers.
- Notice patterns: Struggling more can mean burnout.
Where to start
Lower the bar and remove obstacles. A quick wash still counts. Swap products that feel or taste wrong for ones you can tolerate, and keep supplies where you use them. Pair the task with something you like, such as music. If self-care has been very hard for a long time, talk to your GP.
The bottom line
Care looks different on hard days.
This post is for awareness, not diagnosis. If self-care has felt impossible for a long time, it can be a sign of burnout or depression, so please talk to your GP.
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