Tried therapy and felt worse? It might not have been made for your brain.
Why doesn’t therapy always help?
Many talking therapies were designed with neurotypical brains in mind. Vague questions, eye contact and pressure to “just change your thinking” can leave AuDHD people feeling worse.
You didn’t fail therapy. It may not have fitted you.
A lot of AuDHD people have tried therapy and come away feeling it did not help, or that they had done it wrong. Often the therapy was simply not designed for how their brain works. Open, vague questions, an expectation of eye contact and advice to just think differently can all miss the mark. Some people mask through every session. The right therapist understands autism and ADHD and changes their approach to suit you.
What can help
Here is how the two compare:
| Autistic side | ADHD side |
|---|---|
| Clear, concrete questions | Shorter, focused sessions |
| Written summaries | Reminders between sessions |
| Sensory-friendly rooms | Movement allowed |
| Time to process | Practical strategies |
Adapted therapy can make a real difference.
Signs it isn’t working
A few everyday examples:
- Being told to “just make eye contact”
- Your struggles blamed on lack of effort
- Masking through every session
- Feeling worse after most appointments
- Being told you’re too articulate to be autistic
The right therapist
- Understands autism and ADHD: Ask about their experience.
- Is neurodiversity-affirming: Accepts your brain, not fixes it.
- Adapts their approach: Written notes, clear structure.
- Welcomes feedback: “This isn’t working for me.”
- Makes you feel safe: Trust matters most.
Getting started (UK)
- Ask your GP: About local options.
- NHS Talking Therapies: In England, you can self-refer.
- Ask for adjustments: Longer sessions, text reminders.
- Check professional registers: BACP and UKCP list therapists.
- It’s okay to switch: The right fit matters.
Where to start
When you look for support, ask directly about a therapist’s experience with autistic and ADHD clients. Ask for what helps you, such as written summaries or more structure. If it is not working, say so, and feel free to try someone else. Your GP can tell you what is available where you live.
The bottom line
You deserve support that fits your brain.
This post is for awareness, not medical advice. In England you can self-refer to NHS Talking Therapies. In a crisis, call Samaritans on 116 123.
Want the swipeable version? This post is also a carousel on Instagram: follow @johnhasaudhd for more on life with AuDHD.