What is masking?
Masking is hiding or holding back your natural traits to fit in, or to stay safe. Autistic masking hides social differences. ADHD masking hides the restlessness, forgetfulness and chaos. AuDHD often means doing both.
Masking isn’t lying. It’s often how people learned to stay safe.
Most people who mask did not choose to start. It usually begins in childhood, as a response to being corrected, teased or left out. Over time it becomes automatic: you watch other people, copy what works, and hide what gets a bad reaction. AuDHD people often carry two sets of rules at once, one to hide autistic traits and one to hide ADHD traits. It can be so practised that you stop noticing you are doing it, until the exhaustion catches up.
Two masks, one face
Here is how the two compare:
| Autistic masking | ADHD masking |
|---|---|
| Forcing eye contact | Sitting still when you need to move |
| Scripting conversations | Over-preparing so you don’t forget |
| Copying others’ expressions | Hiding late or missed tasks |
| Hiding your stims | Holding back what you want to say |
Wearing both at once takes a lot of energy.
The hidden cost
- Exhaustion: Days to recover from a “normal” day.
- Burnout: The energy runs out and the mask slips.
- Losing yourself: Not being sure which parts are really you.
- Missed diagnosis: “You seem fine” can delay support.
- Constant alertness: Always watching yourself for mistakes.
Signs you might be masking
It varies from person to person, but it often includes:
- You rehearse conversations before and after they happen
- “Easy” social plans leave you wiped out
- People say “you don’t seem autistic” or “you don’t seem ADHD”
- You’re a very different person at home
- You’re not sure what you like when nobody’s watching
Unmasking, gently
- Start where it’s safe: At home, or with one trusted person.
- Notice what you hold back: Stims, fidgeting, eye contact, words.
- Let one small thing go: Wear the headphones. Take the break.
- Tell someone what you need: “I’m listening, even if I’m not looking.”
- It’s not all or nothing: You choose when, where and how much.
Where to start
Unmasking does not have to be dramatic or public. Begin by noticing one moment each day when you are holding something back, such as a stim, a need for quiet, or an honest answer. Then try letting it out somewhere safe. The aim is not to drop every mask, but to have places where you do not need one.
The bottom line
You deserve spaces where you can be you.
This post is for awareness, not diagnosis. Unmasking isn’t safe everywhere, so go at your own pace. If masking is affecting your wellbeing, talk to your GP or a neurodiversity-affirming professional.
Want the swipeable version? This post is also a carousel on Instagram: follow @johnhasaudhd for more on life with AuDHD.