Filling in your child’s assessment form and ticking every box for yourself?
Why does it happen?
Autism and ADHD are strongly inherited, so they often run in families. Many parents only recognise their own traits while reading about their child’s.
Your child’s diagnosis can explain your story too.
It is very common for a parent to recognise themselves while their child is being assessed. You read the list of traits or fill in a form, and realise you are describing your own childhood as well. Because autism and ADHD run in families, this makes sense. It can bring relief and a closer bond with your child. It can also bring grief for your younger self, guilt, and a lot of memories coming back at once.
Mixed feelings
Side by side, it looks like this:
| It can bring | It can also bring |
|---|---|
| Relief and understanding | Grief for your younger self |
| Deeper empathy | Guilt about passing it on |
| A shared language | Worry about coping |
| Support for you both | Old memories resurfacing |
All of it is valid.
What it can look like
You might recognise some of these:
- Filling in a questionnaire and ticking boxes for yourself
- “That was me at school”
- Relatives saying “you were just like that”
- Understanding your child more deeply
- Wondering about getting assessed yourself
For you
- Give yourself time: It’s a lot to process.
- Drop the guilt: Genes aren’t anyone’s fault.
- Learn together: Understanding helps both of you.
- Consider assessment: Talk to your GP if you’d like one.
- Find parent communities: Many parents are AuDHD too.
For your family
- Share your experiences: “I find that hard too.”
- Model self-acceptance: Your child is watching.
- Adapt together: Routines that work for both.
- Plan rest for you too: Parents need recovery.
- Celebrate your strengths: Together.
Where to start
Give yourself time to take it in. You have nothing to feel guilty about, since nobody chooses their genes. Learning about your child’s brain will teach you about your own too. If you would like an assessment for yourself, talk to your GP. Accepting yourself is one of the best things you can show your child.
The bottom line
You were never the only one.
This post is for awareness, not diagnosis. If you’d like an assessment for yourself, your GP is a good place to start.
Want the swipeable version? This post is also a carousel on Instagram: follow @johnhasaudhd for more on life with AuDHD.